Ep #58 “How to Confront Shame and Embrace Your Story” with Jay Stringer
Watch Highlight from the Interview
Listen to Episode #58
About Jay Stringer
Jay Stringer is a licensed mental health counselor, ordained minister, and author of the award-winning book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. Unwanted is based on a multiyear research project on over 3,800 men and women to address the key drivers of unwanted sexual behavior, be that the use of pornography, infidelity, or buying sex.
Jay's passion is to equip the church with resources to change the conversation on sexual brokenness. Towards that end, Jay created the Sexual Behavior Self-Assessment and partnered with the Heart of Man film to create a 5 month online curriculum for small groups to explore how our story shapes and predicts the sexual brokenness we pursue. Learn more about The Journey at www.TheJourneyCourse.com
Stringer holds an MDiv and master in counseling psychology from the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and received post-graduate training under Dr. Dan Allender while serving as a Senior Fellow at the Allender Center. Jay lives in New York City with his wife Heather and their two children.
Connect with Jay
Quotes
“Your brokenness and struggles are a road map to your healing.”
“Many of us have believed the lie that if I am honest about my family and honest about my suffering that I cannot honor my family.”
“If you can’t be honest about the way others have harmed you, then you are never going to be honest with yourself about the nature of your own life and difficulties.”
“The sense of trying to manage something is at the root of the difficulties we (The Church) are facing. Instead look to where God showed up in the scriptures…in the stories of brokenness.”
“Men with a lack of purpose were 7 TIMES more likely to pursue unwanted sexual behavior…it’s not just lust, you are bored.”
“If sexual brokenness wasn’t part of your life and porn use wasn’t stealing your joy, what would you be free to accomplish?”
Highlights
2:15 - Running the New York City Marathon with both of his elbows broken
6:05 - “A Legend, An Idiot, or a Fool”
8:25 - “What our depression, anxiety, and porn addiction might be saying to us”
11:10 - TV and silence influencing him
16:20 - Carrying Shame because of his body image as a teenage
18:25 - Growing into becoming a counselor
22:20 - At 21, began to fight sex trafficking
28:05 - Tension of honor and honesty in family
35:30 - The opening story in his book, Unwanted
38:10 - 3 questions his book asks
43:00 - Role of The Church in sexual brokenness
46:40 - How to engage your story: engage shame and get super curious
50:45 - “Your enemy is not desire”
55:30 - The role we were asked to play and need to out grow
58:20 - Sign up for his course www.TheJourneyCourse.com
Takeaways from the interview
What part of my story have I diminished by avoiding shame?
How have I used honor/loyalty to avoid honesty in my life and family?
How do I see the role of ‘desire’ in my life and future?
What have I done to manage my behaviors? How has it helped? How has it failed?
Who do I know that can help me know my story better?
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